Tuesday, May 28, 2013

First comes love, then comes marriage.....

Let me start this by saying I am NOT pregnant. This is simply a conversation starter about where we are in our marriage and the order of what comes next.

It's funny when you enter into a relationship and the questioning that comes along with every step of that relationship. Dating-When are you getting engaged? Engaged-When is the wedding? Married-When are you having a baby? These questions are totally understandable and I am guilty of asking them of my friends, but now I am having a chance to reflect as I have entered the 'third phase'.....when are you having a baby?

When Chris and I got engaged, we really wanted to enjoy that moment in our life because it is a chance to celebrate the relationship and take time to plan an event that truly represents who you are as a couple. The wedding went by in a matter of hours and now everyone is in a rush to find out when the kids are popping out. What happened to enjoying your time as a couple and having the opportunity to experience life together?? So much pressure is put on the process of marriage and starting a family and I'm not sure why everyone is in such a crazy rush. After our wedding we agreed that we didn't want to bring up the idea of having a baby until we had been married a year. (Let me add a side note here.....this is our opinion and not what I think everyone else should be doing. Every couple is different and I truly believe each person should do what is right for them.)  So, we celebrated our first anniversary and naturally the question of starting a family came up. We had a crazy first year of marriage with the show and traveling and I wouldn't change a single moment. But, we are still enjoying the ability to travel as we please and to take advantage of opportunities that are sent our direction.

My mind goes back to college and living the single life. I always wanted to live in the moment and experience everything I possibly could at that place and time. It was my chance to be selfish and to only worry about myself. Now, I want to live in the moment with my husband and to be selfish in a different way with him. Is that so bad?? Expanding our family will be a huge decision and we need to be ready to commit to the fact that our lifestyle will change. I think everyone is aware of my only child syndrome and I am still getting used to sharing a bed with another person! I'm learning to share and I'm still learning that I don't always get my way. So with that said....I'm throwing any sort of planning out the window. What is meant to be will be and I will roll with the punches. (Chris will say this is not a phrase that ever comes out of my mouth.) I don't typically roll with the punches. I am a planner and I am fairly OCD in making sure there is a plan in place. I get this from my mother. Chris drives me crazy because he is about as opposite from me as possible in this capacity. He NEVER makes a plan. EVER. Which is good at times because as I have said before, marriage is about balance and compromise. But for real, you think we are going to just walk into a very popular restaurant at 7:00pm without reservations and it's all going to be fine? Just make a reservation.....why is that hard?

With the family planning topic, I just need to be mentally prepared for how our life will change. I have seen friends who get pregnant immediately, some who got pregnant by accident and others who have struggled through every effort of trying to conceive. This is the reason for throwing out the plan. I have no idea what our experience will be. I would like to say that we will have 3-4 children close in age and that things will be smooth sailing. But it's time to enter the reality of the situation and that's looking like we have to roll with the punches and take it as it comes. I find it so ironic that women try so hard not to get pregnant, then when many are ready to start a family it's near impossible to get pregnant. So many of my friends have experienced this and it makes me think about what my experience will be. Everyone is different. My grandmother had my father and his twin brother at age 45 so crazier things have happened. She was a saint....identical twin boys at 45. So, maybe I will follow in her footsteps.....hopefully before I'm 45.

Jimmy and Charlie

Until the 'right' time comes along I think it's time to get a dog! We have been looking at Swiss Mountain Dogs. My parents have two Newfoundlands, who are huge and so lovable. I wanted a Bernese Mountain Dog because they don't drool like the Newfies, but Chris wasn't thrilled about all that hair. So that's what brought us to the Swissy. Let me know your thoughts if you have experience with them and if you know of a breeder in New England that you would recommend. I'm already picking out names....all southern of course because I know I will lose that battle when it comes to kids names.

Gabby and Lillie at Christmas


  1. Peyton - I LOVE this post and truly believe that everyone, I mean everyone, is on a different journey in life. Yes - I too fall victim of asking those next life questions... but ENJOY your time together! I totally agree that life is about enjoying the now - and it isn't a race to the finish. It's being present in our life as we know it & grateful. And gotta love those dogs too... here's to fun times as a couple & friends!

  2. I love your honesty. It's very refreshing.

  3. Peyton: I just happened to catch this post and loved it. My husband and I got married 6 months before you and Chris did and we are feeling the exact same way as you two...we're also feeling the same pressure. We told people, "sorry, after marriage, comes the house!" Well, we just moved into our house last weekend and what do you suppose was said? "Oh, is this room going to be the nursery?"

    My husband, Greg, and I are focusing on his relatively new business and we do not have the time, nor the mind-set for children right now, and I'm pretty sure we get asked about babies at least three times a week. We also are considering a dog first...we want a Golden Retriever (my neighbor has a beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog...they drool quite a bit too - in case that helps in the decision-making).

    In any case, I wanted to thank you for this post because it reminds me that there are other couples like us out who also don't feel the need to follow the "schedule": marriage, house, baby. We've even considered the possibility of never having children and just spending time together and traveling. I have a beautiful niece and nephew that I can spoil instead.

    Best of luck to you and Chris in all that you do and decide to do in the future! This life is yours...live it the way YOU want to and not the way others think you should!

  4. Please consider rescuing a dog!!

  5. Love this! So refreshing. I highly recommend adopting or rescuing a dog- we rescued two Labs on separate occasions and it was such a great experience. Re: kids, I've felt the same pressures- we're on year three of our marriage and only now are we starting to have the conversation about kids. Do what feels naturally and appreciate each day that you have together! Cheers & best wishes.

  6. I have a Berner and adore everything about him except the hair. Pros totally outweigh the hair. We had a baby a year ago when he was 2. She can actually put her hands in his mouth and no problems. He licks her hands clean after meals. We did the dog route first and I recommend it. Gets you used to being responsible for someone else and it is good insight into how you will be disciplining your children. Always thought I was strict as I am OCD and my husband would be a pushover as he is laid back. We learned that it is the opposite! He is alpha! Good luck!!

  7. Peyton, so love your blog. I have loved you from your Bach season, as I have Chris's Bach time, so I really appreciate your willingness to keep us updated on your adventures and ventures. Your honesty and openness are refreshing! Just keep on doing what you are doing, and let others' questions go in one ear and out the other. In the future, when someone asks a question you don't want to answer, suggest they be a regular reader of your blog and sometime they'll see the answer to their question! Blessings to you and Chris, and all the family.

  8. You'll know if/when you & Chris are ready for a baby. It's absolutely going to change your life in so many ways including how you look at the world. Good luck with everything.

  9. It is so crazy that I happened to come across this today because it is so similar to my situation. I swear we get asked once almost every day and I have younger cousins telling me that I take things too slow! I'm only 26! We have been together for 10 years so I can understand why they may think it's a bit long but we are just enjoying life together!
    I would love to hear how you deal with one more issue though. With all of this prodding from all directions, I sometimes can't help but get swept up in it and their comments creep in to my mind.. "maybe we should be trying... maybe it is time" which would be fine if it were coming from myself but I'm pretty sure it is being rushed by outside influences. How to deal?

    We are also getting a dog as our next step; a goldendoodle! They are such a great breed - smart, cuddly and loyal and great with kids for when the day does eventually come!

    Love the "no plan" plan and am definitely going to take the advice. Thanks for sharing!! :)

    1. p.s. we have the same anniversary! (May 5, 2012) What a lucky day that must be!

  10. May I suggest a poodle? Big or small, they're SOOO smart and don't shed! They're not yippy and super delicate like they're portrayed in the media.

  11. You are just so cute! I am glad that I asked you when you're getting a puppy vs. the kid question. I was married for 5 years and endured the constant "have a baby" by the family. We traveled, moved like gypsies, had fun and did it when we were comfortable. You're right it does change everything but good for you to do as you please and not what others please. As far as dogs, I am familiar with German Shepherds and Golden Retrievers and a maltese/poodle mix who I adore. This is a great rescue site which has many purebreds: http://www.bigfluffydogs.com/ There's one breeder I know of in MA for that breed: http://www.landsendkennel.com/ Good luck and put the ear plugs in when people try to push their wants onto you :)

  12. When you got married, expect the pressure that would come. It's always there because it's another threshold that you're going through. There are times that you're gonna cry in one corner thinking all those things that you're able to do when you're still single. Anyway, the best thing that you can do is to enjoy every single moment you spend with your husband, building a family. Nothing is more perfect than being with someone whom you can be with you through ups and downs.

    Russell @Kenosis Center